Why You Can’t Relax (Even When You Want To): The Real Reasons Your Body Stays on High Alert
So many women tell me:
“I want to relax… my mind wants it… but my body won’t.”
You sit down to rest, and suddenly:
your heart starts pounding
your brain starts racing
you feel restless or agitated
you reach for your phone
you get up and clean or snack
you feel guilty for resting
you can’t find comfort in stillness
This isn’t a lack of willpower.
It’s not a personality flaw.
It’s not that you haven’t “tried hard enough.”
Your body is protecting you.
When women can’t relax — even when they desperately want to — it’s a sign of something deeper:
👉 Nervous system dysregulation.
And it has specific causes that most women have never been told about.
Let’s talk about them.
Cause #1: Your body has normalised “go mode”
When you’ve spent years:
rushing
multitasking
carrying emotional loads
being the strong one
putting everyone first
coping, coping, coping
…your nervous system adapts.
It treats high-alert as “normal.”
Stillness becomes unfamiliar and uncomfortable — even if you consciously want it.
This explains why:
rest feels foreign
stillness feels unsafe
relaxation feels “wrong”
Your body doesn’t know how to come down because it hasn’t been asked to in years.
Cause #2: You don’t feel safe slowing down
Relaxation requires internal safety.
But for many women, slowing down has historically meant:
emotions rising
memories resurfacing
vulnerability
discomfort
lack of control
feeling “unproductive”
feeling guilty
So your body developed a survival strategy:
👉 Stay busy. Stay alert. Stay prepared.
Relaxation isn’t blocked by your mind.
It’s blocked by your survival brain.
Cause #3: Chronic stress chemistry keeps your body “on”
When adrenaline and cortisol circulate for too long:
your heart rate stays elevated
your breath becomes shallow
your digestion slows
your brain stays hypervigilant
This is the physiology of protection.
Your body is literally biochemically unable to drop into rest.
No amount of:
❌ meditation
❌ journaling
❌ deep breathing
❌ bubble baths
❌ supplements
will override a nervous system running survival chemistry.
You cannot relax your way out of dysregulation.
Cause #4: Perimenopause makes stress hit harder
This is the piece no one tells women.
As estrogen shifts in your 40s and 50s:
your stress tolerance changes
your nervous system becomes more reactive
emotional triggers intensify
overwhelm builds faster
recovery takes longer
Estrogen is a natural buffer for the stress response.
When it drops, your nervous system feels louder — not because you’re becoming “more emotional,” but because your physiology is changing.
You’re not imagining it.
Your body is responding differently to stress.
Cause #5: Your emotional load is too heavy for one person
Women carry:
family emotions
household load
relationship pressures
workplace expectations
caregiving for parents
invisible responsibilities
This constant emotional labour keeps your nervous system activated, even when nothing “bad” is happening.
Your body stays alert because it believes it must.
So why can’t you relax?
Because relaxation isn’t something you do.
It’s something your nervous system allows.
And if your system doesn’t feel safe?
It won’t let you soften — no matter how much you want it.
How to help your body relax (that actually works)
Women come out of dysregulation through:
✨ physiological recalibration
✨ emotional release
✨ nervous system signalling
✨ endocrine support
✨ energetic balance
✨ systemic coherence
This is the work I do at a root-cause level:
We look at:
the survival pathways your body is stuck in
the endocrine shifts affecting your stress tolerance
emotional patterns stored in the body
energetic circuits out of sync
metabolic and hormonal signalling
When these deeper layers realign, your system naturally begins to settle.
You don’t force relaxation.
Your body returns to it.
Ready to help your system feel safe again?
Below are two gentle ways to start.
1. Try my free Energy Reset Ritual
A soothing, guided practice to help your nervous system come out of high alert.
👉 Download the Energy Reset Ritual
2. Book a 45-minute Taster Healing Session
If you want personalised support, this session helps identify what’s keeping your system in protect mode — and begins the process of unwinding it.
